Metro Times "Metro Slimes!" Tales or Terror

  • The Crow awakens from years of slumber to find his Corktown neighborhood much changed. Next door is an artisanal coffeehouse. Down the street are juice bars, yoga studios and and upscale gastropubs. Instead of junkies and homeless people littering the street, folks are jogging, cycling and sitting on benches writing on laptops. Filled with horror and trepidation, the Crow looks on in confusion. A few tweens pass him and taunt him, “What up, Bauhaus?”
  • Forced by Emergency Manager Kevyn Orr and Gov. Rick Snyder to drink an experimental concoction known as PA 436, Detroit Mayor Dave Bing becomes absolutely invisible. Other than reports of a strange figure wearing glasses and a fedora, few notice his disappearance.
  • An activist assaults Emergency Manager Kevyn Orr during a speech in front of City Hall, unmasking him as a reptilian alien. Since he’s been found out, he orders his alien invasion force to land. A flying saucer descends on Woodward and an army of reptilian bondholders marches out as onlookers flee in fear.
  • Robocop is asked to patrol Detroit’s Lower East Side and walks across the empty fields in search of crime. But since there are no people, there is no crime to fight anyway. Since he therefore has nothing to do, his job description has been changed to “statue.”