MUSIC: Sad, emotional breakup music
MAN 1: Let’s just keep it simple. (pause)
I want a divorce. Yes, I think you heard me just fine.
You’re saying you love me, but you’re not treating me like you love me.
You told me clearly, you weren’t like any other out there.
You said you were different!
You said you’d treat me softly, but all I felt was pure roughness.
That’s right, you hurt me emotionally and physically.
I finally came to a realization that I was fooled by your look.
You definitely were not the perfect one you said you were.
I really thought I made a wise decision when I walked you down the aisle.
Why do you have to be so flaky all the time?
I’m sorry, I don’t love the way you roll anymore. (pause)
MUSIC: A little cheered-up music
MAN 1: I found someone else–someone who loves me and knows me inside and out.
Someone who treats me gently but also strong enough to put up with my demands and my needs.
SFX: LOUD TOILET FLUSH
MAN 1: It feels so good to have a say in the tissue I use.
MAN 2: Kleenex, because nobody knows your soft sides like we do.