A Ditty for Don
Don was a long-term executive at the nonprofit I work for. He was known as "Ditty Don" because of the many poems he wrote, particularly one at Christmastime that celebrated all of the organization's employees. To honor his retirement, I was asked to write a "ditty" about Don. The unique stories alluded to in the poem came from his friends, family, and colleagues. The poem was framed and presented to Don, as well as read aloud at his retirement party. He loved it. I include this project in my portfolio to showcase my creative writing ability.
A Ditty for Don
We have gathered here today, friends one and all,
To celebrate a great man that we call Don.
What is it about him that makes us smile?
Well, this ditty will tell all in just a little while.
So sit back, listen, and kick up your feet
As we honor Don Douglas of Waterton Street.
He began in Mt. Airy of North Carolina fame,
The home of Andy Griffith. Yes, the one and the same!
And also Griffith’s parents, who were a little bit sore
When young Don delivered a newspaper right through their storm door.
At two, he fell from a window. He jumped from a plane at age 18.
He parasailed, hang glided, and flew in an ultralight downstream.
He “borrowed” cars and snuck out late for parties,
Even totaled his prized BMW trying to race it at age 40.
But ask him to elaborate on any of these facts,
He’ll gently shrug and say, “I don’t remember that.”
He might rollerblade at Nags Head wearing ski mask at night,
Or take up the trombone to play first in a marching band line.
Nothing seems to scare Diggy Don, neither ice nor wave,
The exception being a pat of butter on his plate.
When it comes to food, no one has a palate finer.
He’ll give his order with one finger held aloft at the diner.
“Excuse me, fine waiter, does this meal have any dairy?
I brought a sandwich just in case, because I can eat nary.”
He is the designer of ditties, the POTUS of puns,
Forever the patron saint of cringe-worthy dad jokes.
And when it comes to dancing, he just can’t be beat.
Even Chubby Checker admits watching him Twist is a treat.
Certainly all the ones who know Don know him best
In a yellow ball cap and an argyle sweater vest,
Looking more Fred Rogers than Fred Astaire.
(Though even Rogers had a bit more hair.)
Rogers also chose sweaters visually more kind
Than the multi-hued one Don wears around Christmastime.
When he’s not tapping his tennis-shoed toes
Or putting 29-foot scratches on 32-foot Winnebagos,
You might find Don shooting out annoying streetlamps of his choice
Or pranking shady bond traders in a Gomer Pyle voice.
He’s also keen to write a yearly ICM ditty,
Which, at last count, numbered five pages and lines over 350.
With ICM since grown and Marcio a visa requiring,
It’s no surprise that Don is looking forward to retiring.
If reminded that we will be sadder without his jokes and revelries,
He would say, “Life is full of tradeoffs; it’s all about priorities.”
Of course, he is the loving husband of Janet,
And father to sons Rob and Whit.
He’ll throw them lots of the best surprise parties,
And not think about those 3-hour ICG meetings one bit.
Yet we are all better with some Don Douglas in our lives.
His quiet presence is a balm for stressed-out souls.
He says the “blessed tension” allows us to exercise
The infinite grace that only God can bestow—
Seeking forgiveness from our fellow man:
That’s the divine Master’s plan.
His humility reminds us that we are not all that,
And it’s good to take some time to laugh—
Not at each other but at ourselves,
Because that makes life more heaven than hell.
So as you reflect on a fruitful career
And a legacy of adventure and zest,
Dear Don, please be the first from us to hear:
It’s impossible to retire from being the best.
By April Kelsey
With love from your ICM Family
