Afternoon everyone. I wanted to start by sharing about myself today. I'm Tiffany, a 19-year-old whose friends describe as a girl with more than 24 hours a day. I make music, run a fan art account and business, lead a dance crew and manage every single aspect from finance to choreography. While studying full-time just like any one of you, I also took on a full-time internship for a film festival, managing the media department on my own. A mouthful for an answer when you ask me “what are you doing now?” It truly is an accomplishment to juggle these many commitments all at once and I can tell you that this, in no way, came easy.

The first time I tried to kill myself, I was only 8. Since the age of 5, my parents were divorced. My younger brother was violent and abusive. He would claw at me, pull my hair and dig his nails deep into my skin till he drew blood. I remember grabbing a chopper in self-defence once, desperate enough to throw myself out of the window to escape the torment. 

In school, my grades were good and I excelled in every single aspect you could think of. I met a boy in secondary school who was depressed and suicidal, and I picked up his habit of self-harm. Following our breakup I was barely surviving in school. My grades were at an all-time low and I couldn’t keep up with the speed at which the curriculum was taught. I stopped going to school regularly in Secondary 3, often times just going just once a week. The pain I was in was unbearable. I started writing my suicide notes and planning to take my own life. Again. For real this time.

On the day I wanted to take my life, I packed my suicide notes in my bag. I was on the way from my house in the east to my chosen “place of death”. Something didn’t sit right somehow though. I needed to know if there was something wrong with me. I decided to take a bus all the way to Buangkok, and walked into the ER of IMH all by myself.

After I got discharged, I took an extended break from school for almost a year. I took my O’level exams without studying and got into an elite school. I took on a subject combination I thought was what I wanted to pursue – medicine. You see, I always loved medicine. I started studying for med school since primary 5 and watched live surgery videos almost every day.

But things started to shift somehow when I was in JC. Classes started to get boring. I didn’t study yet I got the grades I wanted. I was connected to the Duke University’s medicine attachment programme within the first few months of my study, my philosophy paper was easy to write, and as a supposed “science” kid, I still topped my language and literature, and Chinese language class. I was capable and I knew I had limitless potential.

Something shifted and I knew this wasn’t what I wanted to do any more. After 7 years working for something I thought I wanted, it was gone in a second. I told my dad I wanted to pursue a media and communication and it was a huge blow to him. I got “disowned” after I decided to withdraw from school.

I had to support myself since then. I worked a full-time office job and got to experience what it was like to work in the corporate world. In that time I learnt immensely from the people around me. I managed to get into the course of study I had an interest and passion for and there was a massive change in me. I became brighter, learned to laugh, learn to open up to others, but worked harder than ever. This was my awakening.

I wanted to share with everyone about this point in my life because I know every one of you has your own struggles and demons. It’s hard, I know, and at times you want to give up. Trust me, I’ve been there, countless times, to hell and back. I chose to walk into the ER of IMH on my own, choosing to do something for myself. Even though I was extremely good at the things I was doing, I chose to take that leap in withdrawing from JC, not knowing whether or not I would excel as well in the course of study I wanted to apply for. I chose to live for myself even if it meant I literally had to live myself.

Hardship is undeniable but I found joy in the things I did, and worked harder for the things I wanted.

This goes out to everyone single one of you. Find things that bring you joy, spark that fire in you, warms your heart. No matter how unconventional it is, how outrageously bizarre you dream is, take that step. I can’t say that there weren’t any bad days after I chose to live for myself but I’m in a much better place than I ever was. My awakening made me take that leap. A leap that made me feel that passion in my bones again, made me smile things were hard, and made me learn that living for myself beats living for anybody else.

If your gut is telling you to quit your job, get a job, quit this school, get married. Do it. Do it for you. Do it because it brings you joy, sparks that fire, warms your heart. Do it because I know, no matter how much harder it will be, you will be in a better place.

Do it. Do it but work harder than before, prove your worth and show your potential. This is your awakening. Go.